Maybe you’ve been lying to yourself for years…

Have you ever said, “I’m just not very confident,” “I’ve always been an overthinker,” or “I’m just not the sort of person who does things like that”?

Well, what if some of those things aren’t actually true?

Not because you’ve deliberately lied to yourself. But because you’ve repeated the same story about who you are for so long that somewhere along the way, it stopped feeling like a story and started feeling like a fact.

We build ideas about ourselves from things that happened years ago. Perhaps you were the quiet one at school, the person who hated being looked at, the one who kept the peace, worried what people thought, or learnt that it was safer not to draw too much attention to yourself.

Without really noticing, those experiences can become part of how we describe ourselves.

And that’s where it gets interesting. Because years later, an opportunity comes along and instead of simply deciding whether you want it, that old version of you gets there first.

“I couldn’t do that.”

“I’m not confident enough.”

“That’s not really me.”

And before you know it, you’ve made another decision that proves the old story right.

I know this one rather well. There are things I happily do now that an earlier version of me would have avoided, overthought or talked herself out of completely. But I didn’t suddenly wake up one morning as a different person. I gradually stopped treating everything I had once believed about myself as fact.

Because you’re allowed to outgrow your own description of yourself.

So here’s something to try this week. I call it the “Just Me” Check.

Notice whenever you hear yourself thinking or saying, “I’m just…”, “I’ve always…” or “I’m not the sort of person who…”

Then ask yourself: Is that actually true now, or is it something I learned to believe about myself a long time ago?

You don’t have to immediately change it. Just notice it. Because once you can hear the old story, you have a choice about whether you keep following it.

Here’s a little something to listen to… 

If this has got you wondering how many of your own “that’s just me” beliefs are still true, have a listen to Self-Concept: The Secret to Changing WHO You Are, from Being Well with Forrest Hanson and Dr Rick Hanson.

They explore how our ideas about who we are are formed, how they can quietly restrict us, and how our sense of self can change. You don’t need to listen to the whole episode either – even dipping in may give you something interesting to think about.

And sometimes asking “Who am I really?” brings up more questions than answers.

Some people can unpick those old beliefs themselves. Others need some help working out which parts genuinely belong to them and which were picked up years ago through experiences, other people, or simply trying to protect themselves.

If that’s you, and you’re tired of an old version of yourself having so much say in the life you’re living now, reach out to me. We can have a conversation about what might be sitting underneath it and what you’d like to feel differently.

Because perhaps the question isn’t only “Who am I?”

Perhaps it’s “Who am I ready to become?”

Shirley x